11 Memories of Year 2022
It is the same ritual every year, isn’t it? We wait for the year to end, we pray, hope and work towards a better year and we welcome it with high hopes. When 2020 ended, we all thought that it couldn’t get any worse and yet it did. And yet, here we are. As human as only humans can be. Hopeful. Next year, will be my year! I can feel it in my bones! That was how 2022 began as well.
It started well for me – probably the highest point in the graph – and got progressively worse! We are now at December 2022 and I am surprised to say that I am at peace today. I am happy, elated, excited! Life has not been this good and I did not expect that I would be saying it in 2022 because, Maaahn! was it a roller-coaster ride!? So before you get any ideas, let me clarify this. This post is not going to be a happy one. It is going to be a compilation of 11 real and messy moments in 2022; the good, bad and the in between:
- Covid finally Caught up with me and along with that, my mental health went for a toss – I started having a series of panic attacks after I joined my recent job in 2020. The lengthy working hours, having to do the job of 3 people, the lack of proper knowledge transfer and having to work with an extremely toxic HR personnel triggered these panic attacks, eventually resulting in burn out. Surprisingly, no one in the Company was going through similar problems which made me doubt myself. In Jan 2022, Covid finally caught up with me and the pressure of work and having to take care of myself, pushed me further into depression.
I overcame that.
- My Grandmother came and lived with me again – Earlier, I used to live in Koramangala, in just a 1RK. In 2019, my Grandmother came to Bangalore to stay with me. If you don’t know much about me, I am her favorite granddaughter. It was a proud moment for me to be able to take her to Bangalore. She enjoyed it too. Once she went back to Kochi, she kept telling me that she had wanted to stay longer with me. So when I moved to Whitefield, I found a 1BHK that would accommodate her too. And so, once again in Mar 2022, I was able to bring her to Bangalore and make her stay with me; just the two of us! It is a cosy and beautiful house and as expected, my grandmother loved it. And oh! I am proud to say that she was the happiest when she lived with me.
- I found family in friends – Whether it was during my Covid or when my Grandmother was in Bangalore, I found family in my friends. I got to know H from my previous Company and through him, I got close to A. During most weekends, I would visit them or they would come home. I sensed that they had practically adopted me. I got the complete depth of it when they found that I was sick and asked me to come home that very night. Since it was a 1BHK, they moved in with some friends downstairs, and opened their home for me. They gave me food and medicines and took care of me. I decided to go back on the third day as I didn’t want to impose, and that is when I got to know that they had taken clothes for a week, thinking that I would be there for a week! I wonder if even family would do that.
- A Series of Unfortunate Events – This year, there was a domino of unfortunate events in our family. I thought it would blow up in the end. After I caught Covid in Jan 2022, my mother also caught Covid around the same time for the second time. Mentally and physically it was difficult for me and the recovery was slow.
When my grandmother came to stay with me in Bangalore in March 2022, we both got food poisoning and it was extremely scary. I was at work when she got progressively sick and when I looked at my phone after a meeting, it had so many missed calls; from her, my mother and some friends. I didn’t know any of the neighbors, I didn’t have a car or didn’t know any doctors nearby. And so I had to figure out how to take care of her while it started affecting me too. That is when the reality of it sunk in. I had no one to call for help nearby and keeping my 88 year old Grandmother with me in Bangalore was a huge risk. She would feel cold if there was a slight breeze and she would feel scared if I were a little late from work. This again started affecting my mental health.
This was followed by a kitchen accident in April 2022 wherein she placed a plastic bottomed vessel on the stove and it caught fire! Thankfully, I was at home when it happened. I doused the fire quickly and in the process, fell and injured my knee slightly.
I took her back to Kochi in May 2022 and the very next day, I met with an accident and injured my leg. I couldn’t walk for a few days and had to do work from home.
Once she got back to Kochi, she came down with Covid in June 2022 and we were all worried for her. But she recovered well.
In August 2022, a lump was detected in her breast and she had to go into surgery. It was a very difficult time for all of us, especially my mother. But we overcame that as well while we started wondering why there were so many things going wrong this year.
- I realised that I was indeed in a toxic company – When I joined the Company, I sensed that everyone in that company was happy and satisfied. But I found it extremely difficult because I had to deal with one toxic person in the management. The more I kept quiet, the more I was harassed. Meanwhile, my colleagues kept telling me that he wasn’t all that bad; that I didn’t know how to put him in his place. That I will have to face this toxicity everywhere.
I believed them at first. But soon I realised that they didn’t have to deal with him the way I had to. Their departments didn’t overlap the way ours did. I couldn’t put him in his place because he would remember it and make my job more miserable; our departments were that inter-dependent. I would have to be in constant conflict with him. Such toxic people did not exist everywhere. This was an exception and I didn’t have to put up with this. Which brings us to the next point.
- I quit my job – 2 years of interaction with people in the Company made me understand one thing. It is difficult to complain about a person who has been with the company since inception. So instead of taking his case up with the rest of the management, I decided to remove myself from the equation. That place had been an extremely negative place for me and no matter what changed in that Company, I wouldn’t be able to look at it any other way. So I gave some personal reasons and quit the job. It was a difficult and brave step that I took.
- I decided to take a break – I am a risk averse person. So quitting my job without having another job in hand was an extremely difficult decision for me. On top of that, I decided to take a break, to travel. I wanted to do some solo traveling and a month long travel as well. If I found a job immediately, I wouldn’t be able to travel for some time. So this was the right time for a well deserved break.
- My sister came home after 2 years – My baby sister is my favorite human in the whole wide world. Due to Covid, she wasn’t able to come home for two years. And so this year’s memorable highlight was her home coming. We call her our butterfly. This butterfly flew among us for a month, spreading her colorful wings and sending happiness and light our way.
- I decided to do the things I love doing – Somewhere between quitting my job and taking a break to travel, the idea of extending my break and doing something artistic came to me. It was kindled by my sister. And so, I stopped searching for a job and began to plan my future with art and music in it. Again, this is a new Ranjini that was born in 2022. Until 2021 December, this bravado was not a part of me. Something had shifted amidst all the chaos in 2022 and here I am. Writing my second blogpost today. I haven’t blogged for over a year. I am determined. I am on fire!
- I started therapy – Perhaps this is the reason why there is a shift.
- My Travel – January 2022: Gokarna, July 2022: Hampi, October 2022: Goa, November 2022: Himachal Pradesh. Hampi and Himachal had been long in my travel list and I successfully made it to these places and that definitely is a highlight. The vistas that unfurled in both these places, left me spell bound.
- Here is a bonus, happy memory – I colored my hair in so many different colors!
As this year is about to end, I know that I have overcome a lot and grown immensely in the process. This year will be a reminder for me that even after so many things went wrong, in the end I was able to say that I feel good; that things will pick up.
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This post is a part of Blogchatter Blog Hop